On willpower, Nick Cave, and lasagne

Michael, a customer wrote to me the other day to observe what a very lucky bloke I am, chiefly that I’d been given a second Fortnum’s Fruit cake within the space of a year. I replied that not only was I incredibly lucky to have had this experience, but that I’d actually managed, a whole week later to have consumed only 50% of said item. His response was to wonder about the theory of deferred reward and to commiserate with me “when the tin gives up its last crumb”. Of course, the research that Walter Mischel and his team at Stanford conducted in the late 60’s has nothing whatsoever to do with my apparent strength of will.

I don’t indulge in such practices. Gratification wins.

Photo taken Thursday 27/08/26

​ No, in my case I simply left the cake (hidden) at work (reducing opportunities to consume), didn’t offer to share it with anyone (selfish but very enjoyable), and also happened to have other cake to eat that was more urgent (i.e. before it went off) on at least two teatimes in that week. ​ If I’ve been boring you for more years than you can recall, about my passion for cake, and find this a little hard to believe, here’s dated photographic evidence….

Now from the inconsequential to Nick Cave and his Red Hand files.

A letter from a woman called Emma, and his reply, rather stopped me in my tracks earlier this week.

She wrote.

“Nick, Not a question at all, I just needed to share. I am currently sat next to my partner (now husband) of 20 years in hospital as he dies of cancer. This is completely out of the blue, having only found out he was so poorly a couple of months ago, and we are both too young to be going through this (I am in my late 30s, he is in his early 50s). It is scary and lonely and so painful to watch. The sense of injustice and unfairness is really strong and so difficult to come to terms with, and I am so scared of being left alone without him. I know there’s nothing you can say to make this better or easier, but I thought you would understand more than anyone else that I know.

EMMA,” (Red Hand Files ©)

His full reply (you can read here) is masterful in its deep understanding of grief (having experienced it twice with the death of his two sons) and does not try to make it better for her with platitudes. This quite took my breath away, and I soon had a lump growing in my throat, that quickly turned to tears of sadness for her, and admittedly sadness for myself for those people in my life that have died or with whom I’m no longer in contact.

Emma is frightened. She's angry. She thinks it is unjust. She doesn't want to be left alone.

Nick doesn't try to elevate her above those feelings. He doesn't tell her she should find meaning in them, or that everything will somehow turn out for the best. He says, in effect, of course you feel that way. You love him. What is happening is terrible.

I think that's one of the kindest things one human being can offer another (not be tempted to try to make it better). No answer, because sometimes there isn't one. But on the contrary, the reassurance that she doesn’t need to pretend she isn't feeling exactly what she is feeling.

I was discussing Emma's letter with a friend a few days later and found myself saying, "You know, eventually, my experience tells me the fear, anger and sense of injustice will change. They won't necessarily disappear, but they won't always feel as raw as they are now."

And afterwards I wondered whether I'd fallen into precisely the sort of platitude that Cave had so carefully avoided.

I don't think I had. Or at least I hope not. There's a difference between telling somebody, in the middle of their suffering, that time heals everything and quietly sharing the knowledge that, in my experience, pain does not always stay exactly as it is. That's not wisdom I've acquired from a book. It's the cumulative experience of 71 years, bought, I sometimes think, at quite a high price.

Which brings me, with what can only be described as indecent haste, to lasagne dishes….

Theatre Trip

On Wednesday night this week we went to the theatre, my friends and I. We went to see The Truth (at The Apollo), a comedy by the French playwright Florian Zeller. Beforehand we ate at a an Italian restaurant in Old Compton Street called, rather unimaginatively I thought, “64 Old Compton Street”. So continuing this theme of reckless originality, I started with bread dipped in good olive oil and balsamic vinegar, followed with equal predictability by lasagne.

But what a lasagne! Beefy, rich and quite extraordinarily good. Its only fault was its gargantuan size. I left a modest portion behind, not through any lack of enthusiasm, you understand, but because falling asleep during the second act seemed a real possibility!

Now, we happen to sell a rather good range of dishes in which to make lasagne.

Different sizes, different materials, different prices. So you can probably see where this is going.

Le Creuset do three sizes of lasagne dishes in their Stoneware range. As I write I’ve brought three of the Chambray colour up to my office, and despite their price £45.00 - £69.00 they are really rather gorgeous to look at. Albeit I do have a significant weakness for Chambray, so you might allow for a slight bias here.

They are deep, come in a myriad of colours and have a gorgeous lustre to them. They are very tough (this is because of the stoneware), oven, freezer and microwave safe, and so long as you don’t subject them to extremes of temperature change, and don’t drop them, you will have them for many, many years…..

They also have very sensible and easy to grip (with oven gloves) handles at either end.

CKS do a couple of sizes of white porcelain lasagne dishes in two sizes, at £24 and & £32.50. These two are a bit shallower than the Le Creuset ones. However, porcelain is even tougher that stoneware and these, like the Le Cresuet offering, will last you a long, long time, and naturally they are oven, freezer and microwave safe.

Then there’s the utterly practical, completely unbreakable enamelled steel Falcon Bakeware that includes 2 sizes of suitable dish. The low price belies the quality. It’s tough as nails, easy to clean, oven, freezer and dishwasher proof. It might even be ok in a microwave with its round corners and enamelled coating, but please don’t risk it, I don’t want end up repairing your microwave! I’ll leave my friends Nick and Laura Squire, the new owners of the Falcon brand, to do that bit of research!

And lastly there’s the humble Mason Cash branded roasting dish in Pyrex…although it’s not Pyrex, any more than a Dyson is a Hoover. But it is in heat proof glass, maybe a touch shallow for Lasagne, but looking on the bright side it means a larger area of tasty cheesy crust to lasagne ratio. Tough, cheap and not very elegant, but does the job! £12,99. I’d rather go for falcon enamel, but you may be one of those people who’s been brought up with “Pyrex” and can’t countenance anything else….. no one’s perfect.

The offer

Le Cresuet you will find is already discounted. But you may take 20% off any of the other dishes I’ve mentioned here using Code LASAGNE20, or if coming into Cobham or Reigate just tell us who you are, and we’ll do the rest.

That’s it for this week, I trust you have a pleasant and peaceful weekend