Babette
14 August 2021
Andrew Bluett-Duncan
Director
Babette
I am very sorry to tell you that Babette died peacefully at home on Sunday evening. She was in the bed that we’d set up in our main room (that we live, cook, eat and talk in) and she died in the late afternoon of last Sunday 8th August. Despite the ample warning that we’d had, I’d naively thought this would lessen the blow. It didn’t seem to. She was my closest friend, the person with whom I could discuss anything, however controversial, and without fear of judgement and there existed between us a deep appreciation of the other. I suppose this is what is very often referred to as love. Her death hit me and my three children like a sledgehammer, and that is roughly where we still are, as I write this on Thursday morning.
Has it all been misery? No, in fact early that evening, Shirley and Helen, two of Babette’s closest friends came round to “say goodbye” before the undertakers took her body away. We opened a bottle of wine and sat round enjoying memories of Babette, and there was a good deal of laughter mixed in there, along with a variety of other emotions. Josie remarked the next day that she hadn’t expected to be laughing and enjoying herself so shortly after her mum died. She’d expected everyone to just be sad and maudlin. But in fact for us there’s been a mixture of emotions, happy memories that bring laughter, tears of joy, and tears of sadness and of loss, and a few sledgehammer moments thrown in for good measure.
I’m aware that this will have been a shock to you, especially if you’ve met her in the past or felt you knew her through her writing the updates, or maybe you knew her quite well. So, if this describes you, then thank you for joining me, my family, my colleagues, friends and neighbours in mourning the death of a woman who enriched and often challenged the lives of those she met.
My warm regards to you.
Andrew
P.S. If you feel moved to reply to my email, may I ask you to do so here, partly and selfishly so I don’t feel obliged to reply, and I want everyone to see how she has been seen in her life.
For instance, for me she has been such a force for questioning the status quo that, if you have example you want to share of how she touched your life, I’d be delighted to hear it and suspect others will as well.
Thank you.”
Even though from your recent blogs I am not surprised to read this mornings, I am so saddened to read this and my love and support goes to you all at this very sad time, its strange isn’t it how we do find the strength to reminise and laugh at memories so soon, may you find strength in these memories over the next few months.
So sorry for your loss and touched by your lovely update emails
My deepest condolences Andrew, and to your 3 J’s, from me in Windsor and my 3 J’s (Joanne, Jonathan, Juliet) – there the similarities end; Babette was a one-off, truly unique, and kindness personified. Be More Babette – mantra to live by. Sending warmest hugs and love.
Andrew, family and AOL staff,
Very touched by your latest email and sad news of Babette’s passing.
Sat at my breakfast table it reminded me precious we are to one another.
Heartfelt condolences to you all.
Steve and family.
Having just read the latest email message from Andrew – which arrives in my inbox every Saturday morning and which has become part of mine and my husband’s Saturday morning ritual in bed.
We have read and watched with interest the progress of Babette’s condition with increasing sadness as Andrew and Babette carefully kept us all informed as to her current situation. I can’t claim to know Babette, although I had just one telephone conversation with her.
We talked at length about her wishes for her funeral. We batted around some thoughts about what she might like to do – perhaps considering a living funeral. I was struck by her strength of character to entertain this idea and be able to talk about it knowing she was going to die. She wanted to help those near to her to have the best ending that she could manage for them. A selfless act and ultimately demonstrated her core being as a woman who cared deeply for those close to her. A woman strong, pragmatic and determined. I hope that she was able to realise some of the ideas she had so that she could feel she had done all she could ease the pain of her passing for her family.
But unfortunately no matter how prepared we are – as Andrew pointed out – the shock is inevitable. We were also shocked by this mornings news that Babette has left us. Our sadness is clearly a minuscule fraction of the pain and sadness that Andrew and his family are feeling, and it was this shock which has compelled me to write this morning. We just want to send our love and support to you all at this very difficult time…
Nancy and Nick…xxx