Carols, Cake… & Some Perfectly Silly Gifts

Christmas came early for me this year, in the form of a carol service on Monday night and a very decent lunch on Wednesday. But before I get to that, I’ve been strong armed by powers both internal and external, to talk to you about product, right from the outset.

What!? No chit-chat, no endocrine disruptors, no PFAS or scandal to titillate your early Saturday morning?
Perhaps not. Or very little. I will however return to EDCs next week… Please contain your excitement.
The reason for this uncharacteristic move is that a friend, an armchair marketing guru, who is convinced that she knows far more about the subject than I (and frankly most of the world does) got in touch this week.  She wrote, with the sort of breezy authority that suggests she’d never doubted anything in her life…
“Your shops are always a delight and a treasure trove to explore, and at Christmas I find so many fun, inspiring and useful things as little gifts.”
As it happens, Andi (our Website Development Manager) has just unveiled a marvellous new tool on our website that makes looking for any gift an absolute doddle, from stocking fillers to a coffee machine, that costs roughly the same as a second hand hatch back.  You can click here to get a flavour of what I mean, but not until you've finished reading of course.  Which is why you can also find the gift guide handily embedded at the bottom of this email. 

Of course, you can always get this information by talking to a real human being, no bots, no AI, simply by coming into the shops. If that’s not practical for you, then this may be the next best thing. In it you’ll find all sorts of things you never knew you needed, ones the 'victims' of your beneficence will undoubtedly love.

Allow me then to entertain (or bore) you with my views on some of these little gems. And my thanks, of course, go to Mrs Grey for getting the ball rolling and to Andi for bringing the idea to life.

Carol Service and a fire hazard
Before product, a quick note about Monday night. An old friend invited me to a service of Nine Lessons and Nine Carols at Westminster Abbey, on Monday night, sung beautifully by the Choir of Westminster School. It’s decades since I was last in the Abbey, and it was a lovely service, starting, as tradition dictates, with Once in Royal David’s City, sung by one of the boys.

We were also entertained by five naughty schoolboys sitting in front of us, one of whom spent the last two carols covering his order of service with candle wax. I was just waiting for the whole thing to go up in flames, as the candles we’d been issued on entry, were all lit by this point. Slightly to my disappointment, the booklet remained intact, uncombusted, but stiff with wax, until in fact, the last voices faded away.
A really lovely evening nonetheless.

Lunch Out
So, almost to product.  On Wednesday lunchtime Matthew Canwell (the President International of Life Time Brands, who own Kitchencraft, one of our oldest suppliers) came down from Birmingham for a meeting and to take me out to lunch. I chose the venue, Bru and Bear in Bell Street, Reigate. I would describe it as a cross between a coffee shop and a restaurant. The food is diverse and excellent, the coffee superb, rivalling Canakin on the High Street, and the people friendly and helpful.

I had Bear’s Brunch, comprising smoked salmon, scrambled egg, smashed avocado, salad and sourdough toast. Healthy, delicious and very tasty. And a sticky bun in the form of a Pastel de Nata, a custard tart to you and me, for pud. Lovely, although there they couldn’t quite match Lee’s masterpieces at Canakin.

Despite being an avid reader of this email (and therefore aware of my love of cake), Matthew confessed he was a little nervous about competing with the pistachio cake from Harrods that Matthew Dennison (Zwilling UK MD) gave me recently. He needn’t have worried. He'd brought six different Sweet Treats from his neck of the woods (he lives in the Lake District): Naughty Brownie, Black Forest Brownie, Banging Blondie, Biscoff Blondie, Cherry Bakewell Blondie, all created by pastry chef Martin Frickel.

If Harrods were delicacies, then Martin Frickel’s Sweet Treats were the heavyweights with deep flavours, and rich textures …no messing about there. Excellent.
The cake competition is heating up, me thinks, rubbing my hands together......  Scrooge-like.

Think this must be time for a new spreadsheet!

Right. To product.
Below is just a selection of the stocking-fillers that you will find with Andi's clever present finder, some useful, some purely designed to bring a smile to your face.

Reindeer Loo Roll, £5.99
Called “Hurry Up”. Features reindeer queueing to use the privy: some annoyed, some asleep, some crossing their legs. This will, without doubt, be the most expensive loo roll you’ve ever bought, but it will probably produce more giggles than the ordinary kind.

Office in a Tin, £10.00
Does exactly what it says on the tin. Inside: a pencil sharpener, stapler, staple remover, Sellotape dispenser, scissors, and of course paper clips. All that for a tenner.

Shower Phone Holder, £12.00
Yes......  you are reading that correctly. A case for your phone so you don’t have to be parted from it, for even five minutes. A case that allows you to watch videos, scroll Instagram, all whilst naked and covered in suds. It comes with a stick-on hook for hanging it in the shower, and even has a clear front panel. FaceTime is theoretically possible, though I’m not sure I’d recommend it. But it does leave me wondering, is this another signal of the decline in western civilisation?

I should stress, that I did not order this, I won't name the perpetrator, as we have a no shame policy…. but really? In my opinion, this is for people who’s relationship with their phone has tipped from close, to a co-dependence, and should really be sold, with a year’s therapy thrown in. Call me irresponsible, but the price covers the phone holder only (pun unintended, but I liked it too much to remove). You’ll have to arrange your own therapy.
So, for the person in your life who's glued to their phone maybe this is an ideal if ridiculous way to make the point.   Yours for £12.00!!

Cactus Car Charger, £9.95
Now, you may be thinking, what on earth is he going to say about 'such a thing' after the previous outburst. Well unlikely though this is , (why a cactus?) this is actually a useful product. In the dim and distant past, when we all went out as a family, the number of times we could have done with more than one charging port in the car, was legion, it would have stopped many a low level civil war from breaking out. Even for a couple this might stop the age old “my phones closer to death than yours”. So, surprisingly I’m not going to denigrate it or throw it in the bin. It’s slightly absurd, but genuinely useful and may bring a smile to someone’s face!

Colori Knives Leopard Pattern, £11.95
This the first product I’ve chosen that actually has something to do with cooking. Quite why these knives with their Leopard print on the blade are so popular, is a bit of a mystery, but they are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and for some they are attractive, and whilst I’m tempted to throw cold water on them, they actually are very sharp and so, work well. And you really can sharpen them when they go blunt.
Yours for £11.95

Glow Stars; 42 assorted sizes, £6.95
Forty two stars that stick to your ceiling  and glow in the dark. I’m a bit old for these myself, but as a child I think I’d have loved them. And actually the reason I chose to talk about them, is reminds me when the super computer Deep Thought comes up with “The Answer to The Great Question of Life, the Universe and Everything” ..... 42. So, you can have 42 stars on your ceiling (for £6.95) and you may go to the top of the class if you can work out what the original question was. If you do, help yourself to a biscuit or even a piece of cake.

Chocolate Box After Dinner Quiz, £10.00
The first four words of this product got me really excited. Only to be let down at the last moment by the word Quiz.
You may feel differently, however. Hours of entertainment for non-chocoholics.
 

Worker Ant Party Picks (pk 20), £10.00
Who……just who was it that thought your canapes needed to be impaled on tiny plastic ants? Did I miss a meeting? And why when faced with a choice, cocktail sticks or insect weirdos, did someone confidently choose “ants”?  Indeed, who ordered these when I wasn’t looking….?  Was it the same individual as the shower phone cases?  Should we recind our no shame policy? Things have clearly got out of hand.  Unsurprisingly, they haven’t flown….. rather like the real thing? (ok, but I though it was slightly funny.) So now, and in the hope that at the lower price, you’ll enjoy the joke, they’re reduced to £6.95.

Tala Wine Glass Markers (Pk 12), £5.99 
So, now I’m going to finish on two positive notes. Firstly, these Tala Wine glass markers make your wine glass easily identifiable at your party.  They are colourful, subtle, come in 6 colours and in two shapes. Nothing to complain about. Bliss.

Beech Wood Phone Stands, £11.25
I use Whale-shaped one of these on my desk here at work. They are simple, elegant and come in three flavours with Bird and Cat being the other two shapes, and maybe proves that not all phone-related accessories must plunge us into deep societal despair.

The Last Word 
As Paul likes it (brings a smile to his face) when I can tie up my opening thoughts with the products I finish on.  The Cake Competition, that seems to be brewing nicely, is making me reflect on the connection between the small acts of generosity (Cakes) that say "I thought of you” and these stocking fillers. Maybe the link is how food and gifts give a similar message?  The exchange of gifts, much like family meal times or eating out with friends, is a chance to reaffirm relationships with those we love, that can be so sorely tested in our modern individualistic times.  

If that doesn't bring at least a glimmer of a smile I’ll be a Dutchman.

I trust you have, maybe a busy weekend, in view of the time of year, but that you also get some peace as well. I shall be decorating most of the weekend, hopefully interrupted by a friend (bearing cake ?) for coffee.

Warm regards

Andrew